The Famous Secret

It isn't easy to look back at the person you were in previous years and appreciate who that person was. To understand so comprehensively what makes up the essence of a person (yourself) comes inevitably with a level of contempt and resentment maybe at how predictable and transparent and unintentionally honest that person was. Self-actualisation I think its called. There are so many instances in the future which are inevitable. You promise yourself that you will never become or succumb to that unavoidable fate but in time of course you do and instead of hiding the person you are then you abuse your past self and the lack of understand she had. I can't guarantee that I won't look back at anything I created, anything I wrote for that matter and just hate it, be disgusted with it and want to destroy the fact that IT happened. I wonder if there's a stage in life when that stops happening. I suppose that is why authors generally don't publish in their teenage years and director's don't release films until they claim not a wealth of experience but at least something that resembles it. 

Because growing up is just that, hating but perhaps eventually accepting and rejoicing in what WAS otherwise how do people love their children? I suppose thats where parent-to-child relationships screw up, unless they see hte person they love inside their child and even though most parents see the complex and intricate scope of accepting something else, they unconsciously decide to make it simple, and just live as if they can love but really - they just can't. As living is just a lie: people just lying to themselves and to others, which is probably why realistic films can be so hard to watch because thats when people stop lying, as they are shown what telling the truth is, and its uncomfortable, its a portrayal of when parents get it wrong because they stop lying and the truth isn't liberating but just a recipe for chaos. Being cynical may complicate simple things, and it may make life miserable and darker but at least you're not lying to yourself because you know a secret, a famous secret.